Ok so I previously started my blog on a very narrow minded path. I basically had it set in my brain that I knew what and where God wanted me to be, and these past couple months have been a very trying period for me. The Lord has been truly tugging at my heart and speaking to my stubborn pride. I feel truly ashamed for the comments I made about traditions and certain forms of worship because the fact of the matter is, I am new to this journey, Christ has been working with me, slowly, but surely. So let me start again and give a recap of what I have been up to.
My journey to God has been a long one coming. I tapped into my spirituality about 3 years ago and came to Christianity about 2 years ago. I originally found Christ in a Hebraic Christian sense, I kept kosher (still do actually, I need much work in this area), celebrated the OT feasts, and kept away from all things pagan (including xmas, easter, many christian traditions). Then a friend of mine introduced me to Protestantism and the Duggar family on TLC. I fell in love with the faith the family has and the values their children display! I thought God must surely be in their house...they must be doing something right. However, I didn't realize that there are Christians in every denomination that are doing "something right". I most of all was shunning my roots, the Roman Catholic Church.
This winter, a power outage hit my town and I was without cable and heat/electricity for 3 days. During that time I stayed with my grandmother, a devout Catholic, and was stuck reading her books and magazines for the duration of my stay. I found out how little I knew about the church and her traditions...there is so much I still don't understand, but I am now seeing that the "evil" i once saw, was ignorance. The RCC isn't the whore of Babylon, nor is she pagan, or and evil polytheistic deception used by Satan. She is the largest Christian body in the world...that alone speaks volumes of God's plan with the Church.
On a smaller note, I recently had a public speaking engagement for school I was nervous about. I kept telling myself I would fail without God's help and that I needed to trust in him for strength and courage. I didn't think relying on Him would be so hard, but to be able to relinquish all of your self and fully trust in the Lord is difficult! Especially when so much is on the line and relying on God alone can seem risky...from the small human mind that is haha. It showed me how much I have left to learn. Look at Mary, she trusted in God, she said yes to him, when her society would surely hate her. We need to all have that unhesitant trust!! My speech fell on Purim this year, and also, my driver's test was on Rosh Hashannah of 2008. Both were instances where I had to give my worries up to God and relieve myself of all control...as hard as it was...I succeeded with both! Glory be unto the Lord. Now my question is..were the holidays a coincidence?
Now I am taking my faith slowly. I don't want to be perpetually switching gears, I want to settle down with the truth, whatever God reveals to me. Whether that be a Hebraic faith or one rooted in my blood for thousands of years (RCC). I'm going to relinquish my plans, my desires, my temptations, and simply seek him and his glorious love. Pray for me brothers and sisters, and I promise...for real...I will document my progress, trials, and revelations here, as a testimony to the Lord and to remind myself where "it all started" ;)
Many blessings and great shalom~